• A Gentleman at the Table
  • 1. 32 Things Every Gentleman Should Know Before He Comes to the Table
  • 2. FROM COURSE TO COURSE: Knives and Forks, and How to Use Them
  • 3. A GENTLEMAN FACES HIS FOOD: Skillful Maneuvers at the Table
    • 28 CHALLENGING FOODS AND HOW TO EAT THEM
  • 4. SERVING AND BEING SERVED: A Gentleman at a Private Dinner
    • Dinner service
  • 5. IN THE PRESENCE OF OTHERS: Dining at a Restaurant
    • ON THE MENU
  • 6. THE JOB OF EATING: Business Meals, All Day Long
    • A GENTLEMAN ON A JOB INTERVIEW
  • 7. STAND UP AND BE FED: Cocktail Parties and Buffet Suppers
  • 8. THE GHASTLY TABLE: Dealing with Dining Disasters

A Gentleman at the Table

1. 32 Things Every Gentleman Should Know Before He Comes to the Table

1. A gentleman does not “grade” the table manners of his fellow diners.
2. A gentleman does not assume that his fellow diners are “grading” his own behavior.
3. A gentleman does not talk with his mouth full.
4. A gentleman does not chew with his mouth open, nor does he smack his lips, no matter how delicious his food may be.
5. A gentleman makes as little noise as possible while eating.
6. A gentleman does not chomp on ice.
7. A gentleman does not pick his teeth at the table.
8. A gentleman keeps his napkin in his lap while he is eating. He does not tuck it into his shirtfront.
9. A gentleman sits up straight, especially at the table.
10. A gentleman keeps his elbows off the table when a meal is under way.
11. If a gentleman finds that he has bread crumbs on his shirtfront, he brushes them off.
12. A gentleman finds no need to apologize for bread crumbs.
13. A gentleman does not play with his food, kneading his bread with his fingers or stirring the last uneaten morsels of his dinner about on his plate.
14. A gentleman does not wear his ball cap or any other headgear at the table.
15. If a gentleman is asked to pass the salt or pepper, he passes them both.
16. A gentleman does not leave the table without asking to be excused.
17. When a gentleman leaves the table, he need not explain his reason for asking to be excused.
18. A gentleman does not lean back in his chair.
19. A gentleman tries his best not to belch or burp at the table.
20. A gentleman knows that belches, burps, and coughs can occur at any time. He keeps his napkin ready to muffle unfortunate sounds.
21. A gentleman need not use his pocket-handkerchief to stifle a slight sneeze, cough, or burp at the table. Instead, he uses his napkin.
22. If a gentleman finds himself in a situation, such as a fit of sneezing, that necessitates the use of his pocket-handkerchief, he leaves the table.
23. A gentleman never blows his nose at the table.
24. A gentleman says please and thank you, especially to servers, in a restaurant or in a private home.
25. A gentleman does not wolf down his food.
26. A gentleman does not slurp his soup.
27. A gentleman does not attempt to cool his food by blowing on it. If he fears singeing his taste buds, he lets his food cool gradually and undisturbed in its own bowl or on its own plate.
28. A gentleman never argues with a server, at a restaurant or at a private party.
29. Whether he is an invited guest or the host of a restaurant party, a gentleman shows up on time.
30. A gentleman does not overstay his welcome. However, he may linger at the table after dinner, along with the other guests and his host or hostess, knowing that such moments are often the most pleasing and satisfying of the evening.
31. A gentleman does not loosen his belt, no matter how discreetly, even after an extravagantly large meal.
32. In any aspect of his life, but especially at the dinner table, a gentleman does not bite off more than he can chew.

2. FROM COURSE TO COURSE: Knives and Forks, and How to Use Them

1. If a gentleman discovers that his napkin has slipped from his lap to the floor, he retrieves it, if he can do so gracefully.
2. If the retrieval of his napkin threatens to disrupt the dinner table, a gentleman simply turns to his host or hostess and says, “I’m afraid I’ve dropped my napkin. May I have another?”
3. If a gentleman is served meat in a private home and is not offered a steak knife, he does not ask for one, lest he embarrass his host or hostess (who may not own steak knives or who may assume he has found the entrée too tough to cut with a dinner knife).
4. Once a gentleman has finished stirring his cup of coffee, his cup of tea, or his glass of iced tea, he places his spoon on his saucer. A gentleman never places a damp or soiled utensil directly on the table or the tablecloth.
5. If a server offers freshly ground pepper for a gentleman’s soup, salad, or entrée, the gentleman may accept the offer or decline it, no matter what his dinner companions choose to do.
6. A gentleman does not chop up his salad with his knife and fork before proceeding to eat it. If the salad is not served in easily eaten pieces, he cuts it into one bite-sized piece at a time, as he eats it.
7. At some elegant dinner parties, a scoop of sorbet (usually citrus flavored) will be served immediately after the first course or after the entrée. A gentleman does not assume that his dessert has already arrived. He recognizes this touch of cold tartness as a “palate cleanser,” intended to give his taste buds a rest either before or after a heavy entrée.
8. Unless he is confident in his knowledge of china, porcelain, and other ceramics, a gentleman refers to the plates set in from of him as “dishes.” He knows it is always wiser to err on the side of simplicity than on pretentiousness.

3. A GENTLEMAN FACES HIS FOOD: Skillful Maneuvers at the Table

1. A gentleman never calls attention to another person’s poor table manners, unless that person is his own child.
2. Unless he foresees a disaster, such as an overturned soda or a spilled bowl of soup, a gentleman does not correct the manners of even his own child while in the presence of non-family members.
3. If a gentleman is dining in a restaurant and has not been provided with the proper utensil for the food set before him, he asks his server for it immediately.
4. If a gentleman is hosting an event in his home, he provides the proper utensils for the dishes he is serving. If a gentleman does not have the proper utensils, he adjusts his menu accordingly.

28 CHALLENGING FOODS AND HOW TO EAT THEM

1. Artichokes: served whole, leaves upward; pull each leaf off, dip in sauce (if there is sauce), and scrape it between teeth to remove flesh; once all leaves are gone, use knife and fork to cut the remaining hairy little island (“choke” or “heart”) into pieces.
2. Asparagus: can use fingers if served cold & without sauce, use knife & fork otherwise.
3. Avocado: if sufficiently ripe, scoop out with spoon; if underripe, do not try to eat all (unappetizing).
4. Bacon: if crispy use fingers; if limp and greasy, use knife and fork.
5. Caviar: careful with saltiness -> a little is enough; use napkin carefully to avoid stain on dress shirt.
6. Cherry tomatoes: careful with juiciness; never simply bite into it to avoid squirting; use knife & fork or pop it in mouth.
7. Corn on the cob: butter couple of rows at once, use both hands.
8. Crab: 1) use fingers to tear off legs 2) suck out meat silently 3) break back (with small hammer or knife and fork) 4) remove meat; a soft-shell crab is entirely edible.
9. Escargot: use special pair of tongs (or fingers) to grip the snail and small fork for pulling the meat out of the shell.
10. French fries: use fingers or fork; do not slather with ketchup or other sauces to avoid dribbling the sauce; if fry too large for single bite, no not put half-eaten piece back on his plate but keep it in fingers or on fork until ready to eat it. pour sauce on plate, do not dip into the communal sauce bowl after every bite; do not double dip.
11. Fried chicken: ok to fingers instead of knife & fork; if baked / grilled, use knife & fork.
12. Grapefruit: remove fruit with grapefruit spoon with serrated edge or use knife and to loosen sections; careful not to squirt the juice ; use utensil-free hand to steady the grapefruit; once separated from the rind, eat flesh with grapefruit spoon or fork.
13. Grapes: if served in clusters, pick up cluster and eat the grapes with fingers; if grapes are removed from the cluster use fingers or spear them with fork.
14. Gravy: pours sauce directly on the food; do not drown everything on plate.
15. Lemon or lime: fine-mesh fabric (“bootee”) intended to prevent seeds from splattering over; squeeze with one hand, use other as shield from the spray of citrus juice.
16. Lobster: can be extremely messy -> one time when it is ok to stuff napkin into collar to protect shirtfront (if not offered a bib); 1) twist off claws 2) crack the claws with nutcracker 3) remove smaller claws 4) use pick, fork, or even teeth, to remove the meat from smaller claws.
17. Melon, served in the rind: use knife and fork; make vertical cuts in the flesh of the melon down to the rind, then slice across the upper edge to cut it into bite-sized cubes.
18. Oysters, clams, and other mollusks, served on the half shell: grip shell firmly in one hand and, use cocktail or oyster fork to spear the flesh; can eat in one bite.
19. Pasta: do not chop with knife and fork; use bowl of his spoon for assistance instead to twirl it with fork.
20. Pineapple: if cut into rings or wedges, use fork to cut into bite-sized pieces; if served in skin, eat same way as a melon.
21. Pizza: potentially messy; eat with fingers or knife and fork (decision depends on you not on others).
22. Quail and other small birds: use knife and fork to slice off as much meat as possible; pick up bones to tear away remaining meat discreetly; do not make sucking noises.
23. Quesadillas: if cooked in butter and is still warm and greasy, use knife and fork; if served at room temperature and the grease is nlikely to ooze, ok to use fingers.
24. Sandwiches: use both hands (traditional way) or knife and fork.
25. Shish kabob: pick up skewer, use fork (not fingers) to slide all the cubes of meat or vegetables onto plate; place used skewer on the plate rim; use knife and fork to eat meat and vegetables.
26. Steaks or chops: use knife and fork to cut the meat into bite-sized pieces, cutting off one at a time; do not slice up entire steak before eating; try to cut meat away from the bone, finally use fingers to pick up bone & tear away remaining meat discreetly (no noises); do not pick up bone from a sizable steak or chop.
27. Strawberries: if served on a plate or in a bowl, sliced and with the hulls removed, use fork or spoon; if served with the hull, use fingers to remove the hull, discard it on plate, and pop berry into mouth.
28. Sushi: use either chopsticks or fingers; if using fingers: 1) pick up carefully with thumb & middle finger 2) follow same steps as chopsticks 3) make sure to wash hands thoroughly to rinse away any fishy smell; to eat sushi with chopsticks: 1) gently grip the sushi lengthwise, so the rice does not fall apart 2) if you wish, gently dip the sushi, rice side down, in sauce 3) bring sushi to mouth (eat in 1 or 2 bites, do not return half-eaten sushi to plate).

4. SERVING AND BEING SERVED: A Gentleman at a Private Dinner

1. When a gentleman is entertaining at home, he turns off the television, unless the purpose of the party is to watch a television program, such as a ball game or a concert.
2. If a gentleman chooses to play background music during a dinner party, he makes sure it stays in the background so that it does not overwhelm the table conversation.
3. A gentleman never comes to the table without his shirt.
4. If a gentleman discovers that he is running as much as fifteen minutes late for a dinner party or for cocktails, either in a private home or in a restaurant, he makes every attempt to contact his host or hostess, urging that the party go ahead without him.
5. Even if he is not a praying person, when grace is said or a prayer of blessing is offered at any meal, a gentleman bows his head. He need not feel compelled to say “amen,” however, unless he wishes to do so.
6. A gentleman never argues with friends at the table.
7. In the midst of a dinner conversation-or in any conversation—a gentleman does not attempt to make himself the center of attention.
8. A gentleman does not reach or grab for food. Instead, he waits for it to be passed to him by a fellow diner, or to be served to him by a server.
9. If a gentleman desires a second helping from any dish on the table, once everyone at the table has been served, he does not refrain from asking, “Would you please pass the dressing?” “Might I have some more gravy?” or “I think I’d like a little more of the stroganoff. Would you please pass it my way?”
10. A gentleman does not wash down his food with great gulps of water, or any other beverage.
11. A gentleman does not salt his food before tasting it.
12. If a gentleman does not find an ashtray beside his place at the dinner table, he does not ask for one.
13. A gentleman does not “eat and run.”
14. Unless he has been rudely served, in the extreme, a gentleman never corrects the behavior of a server at a private dinner party, as he understands that that person is the employee of his host or hostess.
15. As soon as his host or hostess shuts down the bar or turns off the coffeepot, a gentleman knows it is time to go home.
16. No matter how informal the event at which he has been entertained, a gentleman always says thank you, either in writing or by telephone.
17. A gentleman knows that the written thank-you note never goes out of style.

Dinner service

1. English service (“family service”): more familiar; serving dishes are brought by host or hostess.
2. Russian service (“banquet service”): more formal; servers set food before guests.
3. Mixed service: main course presented on table, dessert & salad served directly from kitchen.

5. IN THE PRESENCE OF OTHERS: Dining at a Restaurant

1. Unless his host or hostess lights up first, or he is in the absolute privacy of his own home or in the smoking section of a restaurant, a gentleman never smokes at the table.
2. Unless he is in a designated “cigar-friendly” establishment or household, a gentleman does not light up a cigar in any place where others are eating.
3. If a gentleman feels that he must light up a cigarette or a cigar in a restaurant and his table is in the no-smoking section, he heads for the bar-knowing full well that he may discover restrictions against cigar smoking, even there.
4. Whenever a gentleman heads out for a might on the town, whether as the host or a guest for the evening, he makes sure to carry a supply of dollar bills so that he is ready to tip valet parkers, doormen and washroom attendants whenever the need arises.
5. In a restaurant, if a gentleman wants a steak knife, he asks for one, saying “Thank you very much” when it has been provided.
6. A gentleman assumes that his food will be served to him from the left, and that his empty dishes will be cleared away from the right.
7. If a gentleman is asked to offer a toast-or if he chooses to offer one, of his own accord-he keeps it brief, tasteful, and to the point.
8. A gentleman says please and thank you, especially to servers either in a restaurant or in a private home.
9. If another diner asks to sample a gentleman’s food and the gentleman is willing to oblige, he may respond by asking his fellow diner to lend the gentleman his or her fork and bread plate, so the gentleman can offer a couple of mouthfuls of the requested dish.
10. If a gentleman truly finds it unpleasant or awkward to share his food with others, he simply declines the request, saying, “Everybody’s food looks so delicious. Let’s just stick to our own plates, if you don’t mind.”
11. For his own part, however, under no circumstances does a gentleman ask to taste another person’s food.
12. When he is expected to pay for his own meal in a restaurant, a gentleman is not ashamed to ask the price of any special item offered by the server.
13. Should the diners at a table close to his own become so boisterous as to imperil the pleasure of the gentleman’s own dinner companions, he does not attempt to chasten them. Instead, he leaves his table to seek the assistance of the maître d’, the host, or the hostess.
14. When dining in a restaurant, a gentleman feels free to ask for a “doggie bag” or a “to-go box.”
15. If a gentleman knows the first name of any server in a restaurant, he feels free to use it

ON THE MENU

On the Menu (how to pronounce it): what it means:

• al dente (al dent tay): cooked but still firm—not mushy; usually refers to pasta or rice
• Alfredo (al fray doh): a cream-based sauce served with pasta
• arugula (ah roo guh lah): a member of the mustard greens family, used primarily in salads
• Asiago (ah zhe ah go): a hard, pale yellow cheese, usually grated
• au gratin (oh grah ten): covered with bread crumbs or cheese and browned under a broiler
• au jus (oh zhoo): a method of serving broiled or grilled meat in its natural juices
• balsamic vinegar (bal sah mick): an aged vinegar made from white grapes, manufactured exclusively in Modena, Italy
• basmati (bahs mah tee): a long-grained brown or white rice
• béarnaise (behr nayz): a smooth-textured sauce made of butter, eggs, shallots, white wine, and vinegar or lemon juice
• beurre blanc (burr blahnk): a hot butter sauce flavored with vinegar or lemon
• biscotti (bee skawt tee): a twice-baked Italian cookie, usually flavored with almonds or anise
• bisque (bisk): a thick cream soup often featuring shellfish or a vegetable, such as tomatoes
• bleu cheese (blue cheese): a sharp-flavored whitish cheese veined with blue mold (which gives the cheese its distinctive tang)
• bolognese (bowl ah naze): a style of serving pasta in a sauce made with tomatoes and ground meat
• brioche (bree ohsh): a sweet French bread made with eggs and butter
• bruschetta (broo skeh tah): toasted Italian bread, drizzled with olive oil, frequently topped with garlic and tomatoes
• cacciatore (kah chuh tor ee): a style of slowly cooking meat or chicken along with tomatoes, herbs, and sometimes wine
• café au lait (kafay oh lay): strong coffee, mixed in equal parts with steaming hot milk
• calamari (kal uh mahr ee): squid
• canapé (can uh pee): an hors d’oevure, such as a pâté or other spread, served on a cracker or toast
• carpaccio (kahr pah chee oh): ground or thinly sliced raw meat or fish, served with a sauce
• chanterelle (shan tuh rehl): an edible, trumpet-shaped mushroom
• chipotle (chih poht lay): a red chili pepper used in Mexican cuisine
• consommé (kon suh may): clear soup made from a well-seasoned beef or chicken stock
• cordon bleu (kor dohn bluh): a style of serving meat, usually veal or chicken, by rolling it around slices of ham and cheese and coating it in bread crumbs
• coulis (koo lee): a simple sauce made with puréed vegetables or fruit
• couscous (koos koos): a tiny grain-sized pasta, frequently used in Mediterranean cuisine
• crème brûlée (krehm broo lay): a custard sprinkled with sugar and then broiled so that the sugar forms a hard-candy topping
• crème caramel (krehm kehr ah mehl): a baked custard topped with caramel
• crepe (krayp): a paper-thin pancake
• crepes suzette (krayp soo zeht): crepes warmed in an orange butter sauce and often presented dramatically in a blaze of flaming liquor
• demi-glace (dehm ee glahs): a concentrated beef-based sauce lightened with consommé
• demitasse (dehm ee tahss): a small cup of very strong coffee, usually served at the end of a dinner party
• escargot (ehs kahr goh): edible snails, usually sautéed in butter, sometimes served in their own shells
• fennel (fehn uhl): a licorice-flavored vegetable served either raw in a salad, or as a cooked side dish
• feta (feht uh): a classic Greek curd cheese made with sheep’s or goat’s milk
• fettuccine (feht tuh chee neh): a flat pasta cut into long, thin strips
• flan (flahn): a simple egg custard, coated with caramel syrup, identical to crème carameL (see crème caramel)
• focaccia (foe kah chyah): a flat Italian bread seasoned with herbs and olive oil
• foie gras (fwah grah): the liver of a goose, enriched by force-feeding the bird a diet of rich grains
• frittata (frih tah tuh): an unfolded omelet featuring meat and/or vegetables
• ganache (gahn ahsh): a sweet, creamy chocolate mixture used as a filling or frosting
• génoise (zhayn wahz): a sponge cake made of butter and stiffly beaten eggs
• gnocchi (noh kee): a small dumpling made of ground potatoes, broiled or baked, and served with a sauce or grated cheese
• granita (grah nee tah): a coarse-textured frozen dessert, usually made with fruit
• hollandaise (hol uhn dayz): a sauce made from butter, eggs, and lemon juice
• hors d’oeuvre (or derv): light snacks served at cocktail parties or before a meal
• jalapeño (hah lah peh nyoh): a hot green or red pepper
• Kiev (kee ehv): a classic method of cooking chicken breasts, stuffed with herbs and garlic butter
• latte (lah tay): a strong espresso coffee topped with frothy steamed milk
• linguine (lihn gwee nee): a flat pasta cut into long slender strips
• lyonnaise (lee uh nayz): a style of seasoning food, using onions and parsley
• marsala (mahr sah lah): a sweet Italian wine often used to flavor chicken or veal
• Mornay (mohr nay): a thick, velvety cheese sauce
• mousse (moose): either a frothy chilled dessert, or a light, foamy seafood dish, served cold
• mousseline (moose leen): a smooth-textured, delicate sauce to which whipped cream or egg whites have been added
• mussel (muss uhl): a marine or freshwater mollusk, usually steamed with wine
• niçoise (nee swahz): a style of serving cold vegetables or seafood with tomatoes and olive oil, often including black olives and garlic
• osso buco (aw soh boo koh): a sliced veal knuckle or shinbone, slow-cooked in olive oil and wine
• paella (pie ay yuh): a dish of shellfish, chicken, and rice, flavored with saffron
• pancetta (pan cheh tuh): lean, unsmoked bacon used in Italian cuisine, similar to Canadian bacon
• panini (pah nee nee): a grilled sandwich of vegetables, cheese, and sometimes meat, served in focaccia (see focaccia)
• Parmesan (pahr muh zahn): a dry-textured, sharp-flavored Italian cheese, often grated
• pâté (pah tay): meat or fowl, finely minced or ground, seasoned and chilled in a loaf-shaped mold
• penne (pen nay): pasta cut on the diagonal into short tubes
• pesto (peh stoh): an Italian sauce made of basil, garlic, pine nuts, olive oil, and grated cheese
• phyllo (fee loh): tissue-thin sheets of pastry, used most often in Greek dishes
• piccata (pih kah tuh): a style of serving thinly pounded cutlets of meat or chicken, sautéed in lemon and butter
• pilaf (pee lahf): a dish consisting of seasoned rice or grains mixed with onions, raisins, lentils or other legumes, dried fruits, or vegetables
• pistou (pees too): a sauce made of basil, garlic, and olive oil
• polenta (poh lehn tah): a thick mush made of cornmeal boiled in stock or water
• porcini (pohr chee nee): an edible mushroom with a thick stem and a plump, round top
• primavera (pree muh vehr uh): made with fresh vegetables; usually refers to a cream sauce most often served with pasta
• prosciutto (proh shoo toh): a dry, spicy Italian ham, usually served in paper-thin slices
• quesadilla (keh sah dee yah): a wheat tortilla folded and filled with a mixture of chicken or meat, vegetables, and cheese
• quinoa (keen wah): a weed, similar to wild rice, often served in place of rice or other grains
• radicchio (rah dee kee oh): a red or purple member of the bitter-flavored chicory family of salad greens
• ricotta (rih kaht tuh): a soft Italian cheese, similar in texture to cottage cheese
• rigatoni (rig ah toh nee): a ribbed pasta, cut into short, slightly curved tubes
• risotto (rih saw toh): a rich, smooth dish of rice, cooked slowly with broth and sprinkled with cheese
• roux (roo): a mixture of butter and flour, cooked over low heat and used as a base for many sauces, particularly in Cajun cooking
• saltimbocca (sahl tihm boh kuh): thinly pounded veal cutlets, stuffed with ham and cheese, seasoned with sage, and served with a wine sauce
• sashimi (sah shee mee): very thinly sliced raw fish
• scampi (scam pee): large shrimp sautéed in olive oil and garlic
• seviche (seh vee chay): raw fish “cooked” in a marinade of lime or lemon juice
• shallot (shal uht): a small mild-flavored onion
• sherbet (sher biht): a frozen, icy dessert made with milk or cream, egg whites, and flavored with fruit juice
• sorbet (sor bay): a frozen, icy dish, served as a palate refresher or as a dessert, differing from sherbet in that it does not contain milk (see sherbet)
• sorrel (sor uhl): leafy salad greens with a distinctive lemony flavor
• soufflé (soo flay): a feather-light dish made of egg yolks and stiffly beaten egg whites, served either as a main dish or a dessert
• squab (skwahb): a young, farm-raised pigeon
• Szechuan (sehch wahn): a style of Chinese cooking noted for its use of hot peppers and spices
• tagliatelle (tah lyah teh leh): pasta cut into narrow ribbons
• tapas (tah pas): small snacks, originating in Spain, served as appetizers
• tapenade (ta puh nahd): a purée of capers, black olives, anchovies, and olive oil, used as a spread for canapés and hors d’oeuvres
• tartare (tar tar): raw steak, ground or cut into small strips, traditionally served with a raw egg as a garnish
• terrine (teh reen): a rough-textured pâté (see pâte)
• timbale (tihm bah lay): a creamy mixture of meat or vegetables, cooked in a small cup-shaped mold
• tiramis (tih ruh mee soo): an Italian dessert consisting of layers of sponge cake soaked with coffee or liquor, layered with mascarpone cheese, and topped with grated chocolate
• truffle (truhf uhl): either a highly prized and pricey edible subterranean fungus or a rich, creamy chocolate
• velouté (veh loo tay): a smooth white sauce made with stock instead of milk
• vinaigrette (vihn uh greht): a simple dressing of oil and vinegar, often flavored with mustard and garlic
• wasabi (wah sah bee): a condiment, similar in flavor to horseradish, made from the root of an Asian plant
• ziti (zee tee): a medium-sized tubular pasta

6. THE JOB OF EATING: Business Meals, All Day Long

1. If a gentleman intends to do business in a restaurant, he always makes a reservation.
2. A gentleman shows up on time for a business luncheon. He realizes that being late is not only bad for business—it is also rude behavior.
3. If his employer has established a limit on a gentleman’s entertainment budget, he sticks to it.
4. Even if a gentleman’s employer has given him the go-ahead to splurge, a gentleman does not abuse his boss’s generosity. He can “splurge” without ordering the biggest steak on the menu or the rarest bottle of wine in the cellar.
5. When a gentleman is being entertained at a business luncheon or dinner, he waits for his host or hostess to take the lead before ordering the most expensive entrée or the most extravagant bottle of wine on the menu.
6. If a gentleman’s company does not have a budget for elaborate entertaining, the gentleman chooses a restaurant where he is confident the prices will not send the company into bankruptcy.
7. When selecting a restaurant for a business luncheon or dinner, especially if he is not well acquainted with his clients and their taste in food, he makes his reservation at an establishment with a varied, mainstream menu.
8. If a gentleman intends to conduct formal business during a meal-and particularly if he requires flip charts or PowerPoint presentations—he requests a private dining room.
9. A gentleman knows that it is his own behavior and his own professionalism-not the extravagance of the restaurant—that will impress his clients and make his company shine.
10. A gentleman does not overindulge simply because he is a guest, being entertained on another persons expense account. A gentleman never overindulges.

A GENTLEMAN ON A JOB INTERVIEW

• A gentleman waits to follow the lead of his host, or others at the table, before he orders either food or drink.
• To prevent unsightliness in the midst of the interview process, a gentleman avoids ordering potentially sloppy dishes such as pasta-unless he is fully confident he can handle them without mishap.
• If the direction of the conversation seems to stray from the business at hand, the gentleman may attempt to redirect it by saying, “Multi-Net did awfully well last year, didn’t it?”
• If his host suggests a restaurant where the gentleman cannot, may not, or wishes not to eat the food, he lets that fact be known as soon as possible. More often than not, however, he will not even be asked about his preferences before the location for a job-interview meal is established. In such cases, he does his best to find something on the menu he can eat.
• If the table conversation turns to topics that the gentleman finds unpleasant—or if jokes of a racist, ethnic, homophobic, or any other degrading nature crop up—he does not join in the conversation or pretend to find the jokes amusing. To preserve his own self-respect, he may choose to speak up, stating that he finds such comments offensive. Even if he chooses to remain silent, he will have learned an important lesson about the business where he may be asked to work. Such comments may, in fact, be a determining factor in his decision to accept or turn down the job offer.
• If a gentleman does not drink alcohol, he does not order alcohol, even if everybody else at the table is ordering it.
• On an interview, a gentleman is always well advised to monitor his alcohol intake. Even if his interviewers are in their cups, they will have second thoughts about an interviewee who must be folded into a taxi at the end of the evening.

7. STAND UP AND BE FED: Cocktail Parties and Buffet Suppers

1. At a cocktail supper, or any occasion where hors d’oeuvres and canapés have been set out for the guests, a gentleman does not sort through the snacks in search of the most luscious or largest morsel. Neither does he pick out all the cashews from the mixed nuts.
2. If a gentleman is hosting a cocktail party, he invites only as many people as can comfortably enjoy themselves in his home.
3. If a gentleman is hosting a cocktail party where he provides alcohol, he must also provide food.
4. When hosting any event where alcohol is provided, a gentleman always provides nonalcoholic options.
5. A gentleman does not attend a party to which he has not been specifically invited-unless he is assured that the host has insisted that all his friends “bring anybody” they know.
6. At a buffet dinner, once a gentleman has filled his plate to an appropriate level, he need not wait for all the other guests to wend their way through the line before he begins eating. In such situations, however, he waits until at least a couple of other guests have filled their plates and joined him. He does not dine alone.
7. Even if he is not well acquainted with anyone else in the room, once he has filled his plate, a gentleman seats himself near another guest, or a group of guests, and attempts to begin a conversation, either by introducing himself or by saying, “My, isn’t this pork roast beautiful?”
8. A gentleman does not station himself by the food table at a cocktail party, feeding himself off the serving platters.
9. A gentleman never places his glass or his coffee cup directly on a piece of furniture, even if that piece of furniture is a glass-top coffee table. He knows that a sweaty glass will leave damp rings even on glass or stone, while the heat from hot coffee will leave circles of steam on any surface.
10. If a gentleman is offered a coaster or a cocktail napkin, he uses it.
11. If a gentleman is not offered a coaster or a cocktail napkin, he asks for one.

8. THE GHASTLY TABLE: Dealing with Dining Disasters

1. Removing stuck food from teeth: use fork or spoon if possible, use fingers otherwise, mask your action with a napkin; dispose item on plate
2. Spilling soup or sauce on clothes: excuse yourself from the table without explanation; assess damage in bathroom; remove / lessen stain from shirt or trousers using napkin dampened with water; be more careful with ties; use warm water if stain is oil based, use cold water if not; ask help from attendant in men’s room (do not complain if he make it worse); give tip afterwards; if you notice stain on someone else, advise him quietly (“Gerry, I believe you’ve got a bit of sauce there on your shirt.”); same applies to a friend whose fly has been left unzipped.
3. Problem with bill in a restaurant: ok to review the bill before paying; call server discreetly if any error; if server argues call for manager.
4. Credit card declined in restaurant: don’t lose temper; ask if you can pay by check, visit the nearest ATM or return the next day with cash; if no other option, ask help from friends; repay within 24 hours.
5. Food dropped on tablecloth or floor: do not call attention; use napkin to pick up food or blot up sauce; ask for new napkin; do not give further explanation.
6. Audible burp at the table: simply say “Excuse me, please”; only forgiven once per meal; go to bathroom if needed for sip of water or ask host for soda water; final solution: inform host that you must leave immediately.
7. Knocking over glass of drink: if not broken, use napkin to sop up mess; apply cold water for red wine stain; you can do nothing except say “Excuse me for making such a mess.”; when writing to thank-you note, remember to say, “I hope you’ll forgive my clumsiness with the wine glass.”; otherwise, say nothing more.
8. Inedible food in restaurant: make no apology for telling the server, “I’d like my steak cooked medium, not medium rare, please,” or “My chicken is overcooked—would you ask the chef please?”; if problem not solved, ask for manager; as a patron of the restaurant, you have a right to ask for his food to be served the way you want it; otherwise avoid restaurant in the future.
9. Misbehaving children: do not attempt to discipline child in public; instead, take child away from the table, exercise appropriate discipline in private place; if child doesn’t change behavior, ask for to-go boxes for the food of all family members & leave as quickly / discreetly as possible.
10. Argument at dinner table: simply say, “Now, friends, let’s change the subject.”; if you are the host at a bigger table, rise from seat if needed; if guests refuse to behave themselves, ask them to change seats; if alcohol is problem ask them to abstain from further drinking; worst case you may be forced to say, “Tom and Tammy, I’m afraid this is getting out of hand. I must ask you either to end this conversation, or take it to the sidewalk.”; if problem continues, don’t take sides but ask both arguing partner to leave.
11. Steak dropped beside grill: nobody needs know what happens in the privacy of your own kitchen; if cooking in the presence of his guests, however, you must express at least some concern over a steak that has slipped off the spatula and onto the gravel; if replacement steak is available, say, “I’m afraid this one is headed to the garbage.”; if not, suggest that you and another guest (preferably your date or a very close friend) share one of the larger steaks; you may be ok with washing it off & grilling it for yourself but some of your guests may find this solution unacceptable.
12. Dirty utensils: in restaurant, simply ask server for replacements: “I don’t think this spoon is quite clean. May I have another?”; in private home, call as little attention as possible; do not inspect flatware right after taking your place at the table; instead when food is served, simply ask your host, “Otto, could I have a fresh salad fork?”; you can create excuse for requesting replacement by deliberately dropping the dirty utensil on the floor.
13. Can’t eat food: if you have food allergies inform host at invitation; if food is served, you can leave it untouched or eat bit of bread; when host asks reply truthfully and simply: “This looks lovely but I can’t eat shellfish”; if there are religious reasons, say “Thanks but I don’t eat shellfish”; don’t say “Sorry, but I don’t eat shellfish”, no need to apologize for your beliefs.
14. Illness: leave table immediately; head for bathroom; if no better tell host you must leave immediately; if throw up at the table, don’t need to feel personal guilt (unless it’s caused by overeating); assist host to clean up the table if you feel well enough, depart asap if you don’t; do not avoid reality when writing thank-you note, state frankly: “Your dinner party was lovely. I hope my illness did not ruin the evening for you and your other guests.”; send flowers if appropriate.
15. Food poisoning: if private dinner party or cooked by host, nothing to do; you can mention to other guests to find out if it was your stomach or the food but nothing is accomplished by calling his host or hostess and saying, “Last night was great, but I ended up spending six hours in the emergency room.”; however, if food provided by a caterer, let host know about the problem.
16. Choking: act immediately; apply Heimlich if you know how to; if not, do not risk further damage; call for assistance loudly and firmly: “Does anybody here know the Heimlich?” (ok to shout if needed); if no response, call 911 for immediate assistance; do not assume you can drive him to emergency room in your own car; consult with local chapter of Americal Red Cross for training in the Heimlich maneuver (don’t assume you know it just because you see a step-by-step chart in a restroom).